Meeting a new partner and falling in love can be exciting. You’re eager to know them better, and likewise, they want to know everything about you. However, we’ve all done some things in the past that may not be forgiven, and this is where the question of whether I should tell my partner everything about my past comes in.
Well, I won’t give you a direct answer, but I believe at the end of this article, you will be able to establish whether or not to tell your partner about your past.
Telling your partner about your past can help maintain trust in the relationship, but you shouldn’t release every detail about your past for the sake of the relationship’s growth.
Some of the advantages of telling your partner about your past include acceptance. Telling your partner about your past may help them accept you for who you are and what you have become.
Things you should let your partner know about your past.
1. MEDICAL CONDITION.
If you are battling with some health conditions that affected your relationship with your ex, I think it’s okay to tell your new partner. If they listen to you without complaining, it means they’re ready to accept you for who you are. It’s okay to let them know this rather than if they find out elsewhere.
2. YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIP.
You can brief them about your past toxic relationships, what led to the breakup, and what transpired. You may feel like this isn’t necessary, but telling them will give them an idea of who you are and what was missing in the past relationship, which may prevent a future recurrence.
For example, when I met my partner, I briefly explained that my previous relationship failed due to a lack of communication, which was my fault, and I promised never to allow that to repeat itself again. However, don’t talk about everything that went wrong in the relationship; just brief them. There is no need to say, “My ex did this, my ex did that.”
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3. MARRIED OR ENGAGED BEFORE?
If you have been engaged, married, or have kids before, you need to tell your new partner about it. You don’t need to disclose everything that happened, so they won’t judge you based on your past. For instance, if you got pregnant out of wedlock in school, you could tell your partner what happened and how many kids you have.
If they truly love you, they will accept you like that and love you and your kids. It’s better you tell them than if they find out themselves. If you have children with one or more of your ex-partners, let them know.
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4. BAD PASTS.
Have you done some terrible things in the past that you can’t be forgiven for? things like robbery, fraud, or drugs. Well, if you are a changed person and you have asked God for forgiveness, you don’t need to disclose the full details to your partner, but you can brief them about it. For example, you can say, “I’ve done terrible things in the past, and I pray God forgives me.”
However, if you are an ex-convict, it is very necessary that you tell your partner what you did and let them know it’s all in the past. Relationships are built on trust, so revealing your past to your partner will enhance the relationship even more. Perhaps being open and honest about issues in your past is what builds trust in the relationship.
Things about your past you should never tell your partner.
People are unpredictable, so don’t go and tell him about how you did five abortions for your ex or the amount of time you used contraceptive pills for your ex. Put yourself in his shoes; imagine the thought in his head right now—perhaps telling him things like this will paint you badly before him, which may reduce the love.
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What if things go wrong tomorrow, and he is the kind of man who doesn’t keep secrets? The whole world will know that you have had an abortion before. Except if the abortion you did in the past affected your fertility or resulted in a medical condition, never tell your partner about the abortion you did in the past.
2. Sexual life.
Sexuality is an important factor in relationships, as discussions like this will always come up, but you don’t need to tell them how many men and women you have slept with in the past. Avoid telling them details of how you had sex in a car or how you gave your ex a head or blow job. Your new partner doesn’t need to hear them. You are trying to start things anew and want this new relationship to last, right? If yes, then keep this to yourself.
3. That you still love your ex.
Yes, sometimes you might still feel for your ex, but leave the past in the past. Imagine if your new partner tells you the same thing: they’re still in love with their ex. How will you feel? Sometimes moving on is not that easy, but you are with him or her now to start something new, right? Don’t ruin your new relationship with things that should be in the past. Whatever feelings you may feel for your ex, let it go.
4. Traumatic experience.
If you have ever had a traumatic experience like being the victim of rape or sexual harassment, you should keep it to yourself. Although this may be a traumatic experience for you, you shouldn’t tell your partner about it. Not every man has the ability to cope with that traumatic experience, so I think it’s okay to keep this to yourself.
Is it okay to tell my partner everything about my past?
Communication is the most important aspect of every relationship, and while some people will agree that they don’t tell their partner everything, nevertheless, every secret has bigger consequences than the others. If you tell your partner about your past, two things will happen: (I) either they will accept you for who you are irrespective of your pasts, or (II) they will begin to judge you based on your pasts. In this case, you should be careful telling them full details about your pasts, as this may be harmful for the relationship.