A toxic relationship is one with a negative impact, full of physical and emotional abuse, jealousy, and disrespect. A relationship where we can’t be ourselves is termed “toxic.” Toxic simply means “poisonous substance,” so if your relationship or your partner is toxic, it could drain you and give you nothing in return.
Many people are in toxic relationships but don’t know it, while others know but are scared of losing their significant other due to love. What are the signs of a toxic relationship? Here are some signs to watch out for.
If you are being disrespected, or if you are the one who is being disrespectful, it’s clear that the relationship isn’t healthy. Both of you should respect each other regardless of the differences between you and your partner. If respect is lost in the relationship, this may be a sign that you are in a toxic relationship.
2. CONSTANT CHEATING.
Although we all deserve a second chance, if your partner cheats on you over and over again, it is crystal clear that s/he is selfish and doesn’t care about your feelings; thus, this is a red flag that you are in a toxic relationship.
3. ABUSE AND FIGHT.
It is normal for people to have misunderstandings in a relationship, but if the disagreement leads to a dirty fight where you and your significant other exchange blows or abuse each other physically or emotionally, this implies that the relationship isn’t healthy.
For instance, if your partner starts raining curses on you and your family for every misunderstanding or if they raise their hand on you, you should run away from such a relationship as it’s toxic. People in relationships should be able to settle issues among themselves amicably and not violently.
4. SECRET LOVE.
If someone genuinely loves you, they won’t keep it a secret, so if your partner does not want any other person to know about the relationship without giving you a tangible excuse, you should consider this a red flag. For instance, s/he gets mad when you introduce them to your family and friends or post them on social media.
5. DISHONESTY AND LACK OF COMMUNICATION.
A healthy relationship is built on trust. If your partner has been lying to you over and over, even for small things, this is a sign that the relationship is toxic. If you observe that your partner is lying to you about something, you should call his or her attention to it. When a person lies to you, it means they don’t care or trust you enough to tell you the truth. Moreso, if your partner no longer returns your calls, texts, and chats or responds to them and makes you feel like you’re forcing yourself on him/her, this is a sign that the relationship is unhealthy.
6. YOU FEEL CONTROLLED.
A relationship is the coming together of two people as a partnership. Although you both have different potential and talents, when one person in the relationship determines what to eat, where to go, how the money will be spent, who to hang out with, what to wear, etc., this could be a sign you are in a toxic relationship.
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7. MAKES YOU UNHAPPY.
If someone constantly makes you unhappy and makes you feel like you are not worthy to be loved, you could be in a toxic relationship, perhaps if they always criticize you and never appreciate your efforts for everything you do for them. For instance, your partner complains too much, even about small things, and does not appreciate your presence in their life. When you use makeup, they complain, and when you don’t, they still complain. If you notice this sign, you could be in a toxic relationship. A relationship where we can’t be ourselves and be happy is toxic.
8. YOU NEVER APOLOGIZE.
It is very important to understand that you are not perfect, and likewise your significant other, so you and your mate are going to make mistakes, and the beautiful part is to admit your faults, apologize, forgive, and let love lead. But if you or your mate feels too big to apologize, this could be that you are toxic, and vice versa.
Jealousy is a sign of love, but too much of it is considered unhealthy. For instance, you always get mad when you see your partner with the opposite sex; you want him or her to always hang out with you only; you snitch on your partner’s privacy. You must understand that your partner also has a life to live and the right to associate with whoever they like. Being in a relationship shouldn’t take away our freedom. If you always envy your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s success, or if you get jealous to the extent that you always question their whereabouts, this could be a sign that you or your partner is toxic.
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10. YOU KEEP EXPECTING A CHANGE.
You could see there were lots of negative behaviors and toxic attitudes from your partner, but you remained silent in the false hope that he or she would change someday. The interpretation of this is that you stick around in the relationship, hoping that your significant other will stop whatever bad behavior is making things tough in the relationship. Remember that toxic relationships will definitely breed unhealthy marriages.
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11 YOU GIVE MORE THAN YOU GET.
People in relationships should be able to rely on each other, especially during difficult times, but if your partner can’t function unless you are doing all the things and vice versa, this is considered unhealthy. You should be able to trust each other with your biggest secrets, and your partner should be willing to help you during your difficult times. But if he or she disappears or acts like “who cares” when you need him or her the most, you should consider this a red flag.
12. PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE.
When you have a disagreement with your partner, instead of settling things, you pretend that everything is fine, and the two of you start to punish each other in other areas of the relationship. For instance, the two of you stop calling and texting each other. You no longer buy gifts for him or her. This is not the proper way of handling issues in a relationship, as you may be wasting precious time that could be spent loving one another.
What to Do if in a Toxic Relationship?
If you observe that you are in a toxic relationship, you should have a real-time conversation with your significant other and call their attention to it rather than keep quiet and pretend everything is fine. Some people who are toxic don’t know they are toxic. Besides, it could be you that is toxic in the relationship.
Is it possible to fix a toxic relationship?
Yes, it is, but it’s going to take time, patience, and diligence. However, if, after all attempts to make the relationship work, and the toxicity still reflects in the relationship, it is best to get out of the relationship. Don’t even waste your precious time hoping for a change and fixing the toxic relationship.
Abusive relationship is the use of abusive or coercive patterns to maintain power over an intimate partner. Abusive relationships come in different patterns, like emotional abuse, financial abuse, verbal and sexual abuse, and threats. When you are in an abusive relationship, your partner constantly harasses you, insults you, and beats you. They can even go to the length of threatening your life if you question them. If you are in this type of relationship, you should run away as quickly as possible because your life is at risk. Don’t even think of giving an abusive partner a second chance in a relationship.
Why do women stay in abusive relationships?
Nobody should stay in a toxic and abusive relationship, but some ladies prefer to stay due to these reasons:
1. FINANCIAL GAINS.
Some ladies prefer to stay in an abusive relationship due to the financial gain they get from their partner. For example, a man who beats you to stupor, abuses you physically because you denied him sex, or because you disagree with him on some terms, yet you still stay in the relationship because he apologized by crediting your account or buys you an expensive gift just to shut your mouth.
For how long will you continue like this? Remember, money can only buy love; it can’t buy happiness or peace of mind. No matter how rich your partner is, if the relationship is toxic or abusive, you should leave immediately. Don’t even wait for a second chance.
Love is very powerful, and this has been the reason why some ladies find it difficult to quit a toxic and abusive relationship. They will be like, “I love him so much,” as they can’t afford to lose the relationship. My sister was unlucky to marry a man who abused her verbally and physically, and this kept happening over and over despite family intervention.
The family advised my sister to leave the marriage, but she refused, pointing out that she loved her man and couldn’t start all over again. Unfortunately, she didn’t live to tell the story, as she died in a coma from the injury she sustained during a fight with her husband. What about you? Are you still staying in a toxic or abusive relationship because you love your partner? If you notice any constant red flags in the relationship, you should run for your life. Don’t even think S/he will change. A failed relationship is far better than a failed marriage.
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3. FEAR TO START OVER.
Most women do not intentionally want to stay in an abusive relationship but are scared of starting over again. They will be like, “The devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know,” but this philosophy is totally wrong because nothing good comes from the devil. If you continue to stay in a toxic or abusive relationship, you will be drained physically and emotionally, and at the end, you gain nothing.
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Is it possible to Change Someone who is Abusive in a Relationship?
You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to be changed. The mistake a lot of people make is that they keep waiting and hoping for their partner to change their toxic behavior. Some will be like, “I will change him/her when we get married,” which is unhealthy. If your partner is not willing to change right now, there is nothing you can do better than quitting the relationship. It is better to stay single than remain in a toxic and abusive relationship.
In conclusion, if your partner is abusing you, you may feel sad, angry, trapped, and confused. All of these emotions are normal responses to abuse, but you should save yourself from future recurrence by ending such a relationship. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve someone better. Best of luck.
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