What to Do If Someone Flirts with You When You’re in a Relationship

It starts as a simple compliment. A glance held a little too long. A text message that feels a little off. Then it hits you—this person is flirting with you. The twist? You’re already in a relationship. These moments can catch you off guard. Sometimes it’s flattering. Sometimes uncomfortable. And other times, it puts you in a tough spot—especially if you don’t want to encourage it, but you also don’t want to be rude. Whether it’s a colleague, friend, or even someone you barely know, being flirted with when you’re committed to someone else raises questions about boundaries, respect, and how you value your relationship. Here’s how to handle situations like this without guilt, confusion, or unnecessary drama.

1. Don’t Pretend You Didn’t Notice

Sometimes the easiest response is pretending nothing happened. But when someone flirts with you and you sense the shift in tone or behavior, ignoring it completely can send the wrong signal—especially if you don’t shut it down.

For instance, say a coworker compliments your appearance a bit too enthusiastically and follows it up with a suggestive joke. Laughing it off without any follow-up might be seen as encouragement. You don’t have to make a scene—but acknowledging the vibe helps you decide how to respond clearly. Noticing doesn’t mean overreacting. It means staying aware so you can set the tone before it gets messy.

2. Don’t Flirt Back—Even Subtly

Flirting back might feel harmless, especially if you enjoy the attention. But doing so opens the door to emotional conflict, not just with the person flirting—but also within your relationship. Even subtle returns like lingering eye contact, playful teasing, or flirty emojis can be interpreted as “I’m available for more.”

Say someone texts you late at night with a playful message like, “Wish you were here.” Responding with “Haha you’re funny” or a flirty wink emoji may feel innocent, but it tells them you’re okay with this line being crossed. If you care about the relationship you’re in, don’t allow yourself to play along—even a little. Respect for your partner should outweigh the thrill of flattery.

ALSO READ: How to Flirt in a Long-Term Relationship to Keep It Exciting

3. Mention Your Partner Naturally

One of the most effective and polite ways to cool down flirtation is by casually bringing up your partner. You’re not doing it to brag or make things awkward—you’re simply reminding the other person where your loyalty lies.

For instance, if someone says, “You always look so good when you smile like that,” you can reply with, “That’s sweet—my girlfriend always says the same thing.” It’s soft but clear. By mentioning your partner in the flow of conversation, you create a boundary without confrontation. It’s a quiet way to say, “I’m not available,” while keeping the peace.

4. Set Clear Boundaries When Needed

If the person flirting doesn’t take subtle hints or keeps pushing limits, it’s time to be more direct. Respectfully, but firmly, let them know you’re not comfortable with the way they’re interacting with you.

Say someone keeps texting you compliments about your body or asking to hang out alone. A clear response might sound like, “I’m in a relationship, and I want to be upfront—I’m not okay with the way these messages feel.” You’re not being rude. You’re protecting your space and your relationship. People who respect you will back off. Those who don’t were never your friends to begin with.

ALSO READ:Flirting Tips for Shy People in Relationships

5. Ask Yourself Why It Bothered or Tempted You

Flirting doesn’t always come with bad intentions. But sometimes, it makes you feel things you didn’t expect—tempted, confused, or even guilty. When that happens, it’s time to check in with yourself.

Maybe the attention made you feel seen in a way your partner hasn’t made you feel in a while. Or perhaps it stirred something you’ve been missing. These reactions aren’t shameful—but they are signals. Instead of acting on them, use them as a sign that something in your relationship might need more care.

For example, if you enjoyed the flirty compliments more than expected, ask yourself: Have I felt unappreciated lately? Have I been distant from my partner emotionally? Being honest with yourself helps you keep your intentions clean and your relationship strong.

ALSO READ: Best Flirting Techniques for Making Someone Like You

6. Talk to Your Partner if You Feel It’s Necessary

You don’t always need to tell your partner every detail, especially if it was a small interaction that you handled on your own. But if the flirting was persistent, uncomfortable, or involved someone you both know, having an honest conversation can clear the air.

Let’s say a mutual friend has been flirting with you, and it’s bothering you. Telling your partner, “Hey, I want to mention something that’s been happening because I want us to be on the same page,” builds trust. You’re not confessing something wrong—you’re sharing something that affects your relationship. A healthy partner will respect your honesty and appreciate your decision to speak up.

ALSO READ: How to Flirt with a Girl Without Being Awkward

7. Stay True to Your Values

In moments of temptation, when someone attractive flirts and it feels exciting, pause and remember who you are and what you value. Attraction is normal. But acting on it—or entertaining it—goes against the trust you’ve built with your partner.

Ask yourself, “How would I feel if my partner was in this exact situation and responded how I’m about to?” If your answer leaves you feeling uneasy, that’s your gut reminding you to walk away. For instance, replying to a late-night message with something flirty may feel like no big deal, but if your partner did the same thing, how would you feel? Flirting outside a relationship can seem harmless in the moment, but even the smallest breaches in trust can grow into distance.

8. If the Flirtation Crosses a Line, Cut Ties

Sometimes, the person flirting won’t respect your relationship no matter how clearly you shut them down. If they push boundaries, get aggressive, or keep reappearing in your DMs, it’s okay to cut contact altogether.

You don’t owe anyone continued access to you if they can’t behave respectfully. Block, unfollow, or limit communication if needed. Prioritizing peace and your relationship is more important than sparing someone else’s feelings.

Say it’s a colleague—set limits around communication and stay professional. If it’s someone in your friend group, create distance or let a mutual friend know what’s going on. Boundaries aren’t mean. They’re how you protect what matters.

ALSO READ: 11 Types of People You Should Never Ever Have Sex with