How to Tell Your Spouse That You Are No Longer a Virgin

This article is for women who have lost their virginity and are confused about letting their spouses know about it.

First, losing your virginity is not a big deal or something serious; however, there are some situations where you lose your virginity to someone else while in a committed relationship, and this is where the problem of letting your spouse know that you are no longer a virgin comes in.

Here are some ways to tell your partner that you are no longer a virgin:

1. How Did You Lose Your Virginity?

Telling your man how you lost your virginity depends on the circumstances behind it. For instance, if you lose your virginity to rape, sexual abuse, or something related, and your man is asking you, “Are you still a virgin?” This question may sound offensive, but you need to respond in a polite manner. You could say:

• “I lost my virginity before I met you because I was not careful enough.”

Avoid using words like “I need to tell you now before it gets too late; I’m not a virgin oo.” If you lose your virginity to rape, do not disclose it to him or anyone else.

Telling a man that you were raped or that you were sexually abused as a child might change their perspective on you and make them scared. If you are sure that you can trust him with your biggest secrets, the man to whom you lost your virginity should be known only to you.

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2. Tell the Truth.

If you are in a serious relationship where your boyfriend has known you to be a virgin and you lost it to someone else, you need to make them aware as early as possible. You should break the news to him over the phone and avoid using a face-to-face approach. 

• “Please, I have something to tell you. I know this may hurt you, but I’m sorry, as I can’t keep this a secret anymore; I’m no longer a virgin.”

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He will demand an explanation, and you need to tell him exactly what happened. You may have to withhold full details about how it happened because doing so will hurt him more.

Telling your spouse exactly as you lose your virginity to someone else while in a committed relationship with them will change their mindset about you, and the relationship might never be the same again. Whether he will continue the relationship or not is not as important as telling the truth, because this will set your conscience free and prevent any blackmail in future.

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However, if you lost your virginity before you met your fiance, you do not need to tell him how you lost your virginity because it’s all in the past. If your new lover asks, “Are you still a virgin?” you could say, “I am not proud of it, and I will really appreciate it if you do not mind skipping it as we build our relationship,” or “I don’t like talking about it because it reminds me of the past, and the past brings pain. I will appreciate it if you can just skip this part while we focus on building a healthy relationship together.”

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3. Lie.

If you lose your virginity to another man while in a serious relationship with your fiancé and you don’t know how to tell him that you are no longer a virgin, you can lie about your virginity status. You could say:

• “I’m sorry I lied to you all this time; I wasn’t a virgin. I had to lie to you because I don’t want to get used and dumped by any man. I know this hurts, but I have to tell you.”

• “Hi honey, I feel ashamed to tell you this: I lost my virginity before I met you. I decided to keep this a secret to see if you are serious about our relationship. I’m so sorry.”

Before you use this approach, make sure you have cut off the guy to whom you lose your virginity from your life to avoid leaking vital information about your virginity status to your fiance.

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Moreso, if your new lover, whom you just met, asks about how you lost your virginity, you could tell him that you lost it to your ex and would appreciate it if he can skip this part and focus on the relationship and not your past life.

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4. Let Him Discover Himself.

Another way of telling your spouse that you are no longer a virgin is to allow him to find out for himself. Whenever you and your spouse have sex together, I guess he will realize whether you are a virgin or not. And if you lied to him earlier about being a virgin, he will know that you fooled him.

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After making love to you, he will demand an explanation of why you lied to him all these years that you were a virgin, and you can just reply, “I decided to tell you that I was a virgin because I’m not proud of how I lost my virginity, and I want you to find out yourself because I personally dislike my man asking me such questions.  I’m sorry for not telling you earlier, and I do hope you understand.”

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This approach seems to be the best because he will have no choice but to believe you. Perhaps if he loves you as he claimed, he will forgive you for lying to him that you were a virgin and focus on building a healthy relationship with you. The best way to tell a man that you are no longer a virgin is to allow him to find out for himself.

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What if he insists on knowing more about how I lost my virginity?

If your fiancé is insisting on knowing more about it, you should tell him that you do not see how knowing more will help grow their relationship with you. If the man is not willing to marry you or continue with the relationship because you refused to tell him the details, he would still not continue with the relationship if you had gone into the details.

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Is it okay to ask a woman if she’s a virgin?

There is nothing wrong here, but asking a woman if she’s still a virgin or asking her to tell you how she lost her virginity is disrespectful, especially at the early stage of the relationship. You should not ask a woman that question unless it is crucial for the relationship’s growth. 

Remember, some women lose their virginity to rape, and some were abused as teenagers. Asking these kinds of questions will remind them of painful experiences in the past, which are not healthy for their mental health. If you love her, you can just skip this part and focus on loving her in the relationship.

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Should I tell my partner the details of how I lost my virginity?

No! You should never do that, no matter how much you love him. Disclosing full details about how you lost your virginity can affect the relationship negatively. His love for you might reduce. No matter the circumstances, do not disclose full details about your virginity to your fiance.

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What if I lose my virginity to someone else while in a serious relationship?

If you are in a serious relationship and your man knows you to be a virgin and unfortunately you lose the virginity to someone else, you should tell him that you are no longer a virgin by allowing him to find out himself using option 4 above or by telling him the truth. 

Whether you tell him the truth or not, whether or not to continue with the relationship is up to your fiance to decide. If after telling him that you are no longer a virgin, he starts to change his attitude towards you, then you need to forget about the relationship and move on with your life.

In conclusion, there is no big deal about losing virginity. However, do not lie about your virginity status. A man who has respect for his fiancee’s feelings should not go ahead and ask further questions.

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