From My Inbox: Answering Your Anonymous Therapy Questions, Confessions 5th – 16th April 2025

1. I don’t get your point exactly: what is the main issue? Is it him not taking bath or NYSC? 

You can go for NYSC at a convenient time once your school release senate list, you can register for the next batch you want to go with. In fact you can apply for deferment, that is, postpone your service to the next batch or suspend registration till the next batch at a time convenient by you. 

Some go for NYSC, two years after graduation some a year, some few months after graduation, depending on your school and how you plan your life.

Some schools like polytechnic Ibadan, Rufus Giwa polytechnic and Kaduna polytechnic are too slow when it comes to result, senate list and certificate.

You may ask him of his plans but for the fact that he hasn’t registered yet doesn’t mean he’s slow. 

You don’t compare federal polytechnic to a state polytechnic where their staff are still being owed arrears and even threatening to go on strike. FPA is known for quick mobilization and their academic calendar is ranked among the top 10 so school differs.

Next time, ask him about his plans maybe that would be better, since he hasn’t registered yet, you can ask him about his plans, how he plan for his life or when he intend to go for service.

From the way he interrupted you, are you sure he has graduated? Sign out and graduate isn’t same thing. You can sign out and still have carry over to clear. I hope it’s not that he has carryover? Well, he could be angry because of the way you mount pressure on him about NYSC. I suggest you talk to him in a polite manner especially when he’s on a good mood and ask “when do you plan to go for service?” or “What’s your next plan for life after school”  

I think the way you have a conversation also matters. Study mood. You say he do watch sports, maybe your boyfriend played bet and his ticket cut, that may contribute to anger at that moment (my assumption, please)

What can I do? 

1.  Encourage him to register on time especially now that allawee is 77k so as to move forward and if he doesn’t have plans of NYSC for now, ask him about his plans to know the way forward.

2.  Has has commenced clearance? If yes, you may ask him to share his clearance form, if no, be patient, remember to clear result is also money in polytechnic. However, try to investigate make e no be say your boyfriend get carryover especially with the way he got angry whenever you talk about career progression.

For the bathing part, since you have talked about it many times without change, I would say, you may have to tolerate that his behavior for the rest of your life or better still fling him away if you can’t cope. Why? Because you can’t change a man doesn’t want to be changed. It doesn’t work that way. You can’t change anyone, people change themselves for who they love and that’s the fact.

Sorry he got you angry but you know some people hate it when you correct them or tell them the truth, I guess one of them is your boyfriend so you have to handle such people with patience and calmness so it won’t escalate to fights and misunderstandings.   I hope this helps. Good luck

2.  “There’s this girl who he actually wants to get married to but..”

So what happened to the but he actually wants to get married too? Separated? Recently? Smiles.. Any investigation?

“I was told he likes women a lot but I haven’t found out myself” >>>> “All the ‘girls’ he has dated, his family knows them” lol you will find out yourself nah small time remain perhaps you  consented that you wish to confirm yourself, experience is the best teacher. Besides, he could be the opposite of what you heard.

“Family and privacy”

Relationship never reach one month, you wan dey complain say you are not comfortable with his family being around, something they have been doing for many years before he met you. Either you adjust to the family dynamics or you find someone whose lifestyle complement yours. It’s too early to complain that his family no give privacy, else you would be seen as a threat to their family bond and unity and his family may dislike you if they found out you trying to restrict their access. You have to start adjusting to their family dynamics and spending time together so they can see you as part of them. When it’s time for privacy, I think you would have that. Besides, I’m not sure if all of them could sleep in one room, as long as your boyfriend has a separate room for himself, you can have your privacy there.

In conclusion, while there are few red flags and green flags in this relationship, I would advise you to trust your instincts and follow your mind. Do what you have to-do. If it works, fine and if it doesn’t work, move forward. I can’t encourage or discourage your relationship for psychology reasons. Before December 2025, you will know his true intentions and perhaps understand why all the girls his family knew before you left him. Be patient. It’s just a matter of time. He could be the best thing that ever happened to you and he could be the opposite. Regardless, elationship is 50/50. Just take your time and don’t rush things especially that nonsense of rushing to be sleeping over else you will end up like other exes and nothing family fit do. This is Nigeria and we all understand how family influence relationships, a man could date 8 girls and the family would call them “our wife” whereas it’s deceit. Pay attention very well and use the signs to make a decision.

SUMMARY:

• 1.  BE PATIENT. To know a man’s intention takes time. Look at his consistency and how he treats you.

• 2.  Investigate why his ex truly left 

• 3.  Love his family as much you love him. Don’t try to separate him from his family. 

• 4.  Before you rush to sleeping over, invest in spending quality time together, effective communication, understanding and mutual love.  

• 5.  Leave “hearsay” and focus on reality, study his behavior, if you don’t like his personality, fling him away. Remember, money is one thing, character is another 

• 6.  Give him time. Don’t jump to worst conclusion or assumption. Give it time and you will have the right answers to your concerns.

• 7.  That part where you say you are ready to change to be flexing. While it is good to adjust to your partner’s taste. Remember to be yourself.  Once again good luck!

3. Move on to the next available woman…

4.  Best Dating Sites for Serious Relationships👇

Best Dating Sites for Serious Relationships

5. How long(minutes)do you last?

And how minutes does it take you to sustain erection for another round

6.  You should never allow your partner disrespect your parent.

Nothing annoys me than that part where you wrote “though my mom is not up-to 50 yet and my man is just 29” WTF are you trying to prove? Are you saying your mum being in his late 40’s doesn’t deserve respect from his soon to be son in law? 

To be honest, you are to be blamed for this disrespect, I suspect you might have told him your mom isn’t up-to 50 bla bla thus he feels like your mom senior him small.

Family pass family sha. It’s like no male for unah family because if man dey there and your boyfriend repeated that mistake after your mom had corrected him, I’m sure the next man standing would give him a dirty slap, yes a hot slap for disrespecting his mother. I’m not saying you, I mean if nah family wey get man for house. 

In 2017 when one of my sisters was preparing for her wedding, the groom call my eldest sister by her name instead of “aunty” nah so Kasala burst, she told him immediately, you want to marry into our family and want to disrespect me? Look, I’m your wife sister and also her mom. The groom prostrated many times asking for forgiveness with the whole family begging before my sister finally let go saying if he try that shit again that it won’t be funny and since then dem no born am well make he call am by her name without respect and the groom today will prostrate for all my elder sisters to his bride.  The way you carry your mama is how your boyfriend go help you carry am. Imagine a man that couldn’t respect your mom then what is the future of your relationship?

“I’m very okay with him”

Nah! God forbid you be okay with a man that disrespect your parents. I rebuke that for you. 

What can I do? 

Give your boyfriend last warning that such should not repeat itself again. If he dares repeat it, I mean if he ever call your mom “Iya ibeji” again instead of the mummy he used to call her earlier after several warnings, then fling him awayThat’s if you dey use your brain and not that mumu you love. This is a terrible red flag that I won’t tolerate from anybody. Like my mama warn you not to call her by a certain disrespectful name and you have the gut to be asking me, what should I call her? Omoh well, we accept the love we think we deserve.

I no dey use my mama play oo, if you disrespect my mom I fit say make Ogun kill you. If the relationship crash make e crash like my parents? Don’t you know what parents are? Even God command us to respect our parents first and one oloriburuku boyfriend dares utter word saying “what should I call her” which kind disrespect be this keh nah mama we dey talk about here ooo abi shay nah your boyfriend dey feed unah family ni? 

Like parents? Your mama? You don’t know what mother is?  She that your boyfriend dey craze ni?  Abeg give am last warning. If he no take to correction. Throw him away!  That’s if you use your brain sha and not that silly emotions called love!

7.  Sex is overrated nothing dey there… If you do five minutes, you self Don try

8. 10 Ways to Break Up from a Relationship Peacefully Without Hurting Your Spouse (Silent Breakup Tips)

10 Ways to Break Up from a Relationship Peacefully Without Hurting Your Spouse (Silent Breakup Tips)

9. As a single mom of one, by now I expect you to have become wiser and smarter by learning from your past mistakes.

I don’t expect a single mother to fall for deceitful men again. Any man telling you to get pregnant for him that he wants to open shop for you is not sincere. They will ruin your life and you will cry.

If you make this make this silly mistake again, trust me, you might end up being a single mother of 3 with three different fathers or husbands.  If a man wants you to get pregnant for him, he should pay your bride price and marry you officially. Not all this fornication baby mama of a thing wey full outside nowadays. Should I tell him? Were you supposed to be hiding your child before?

I think one of the first therapy advice for single mothers is never to hide their child. A man who loves will still love you regardless so that’s the first thing you should have done in the first place, telling him your relationship status. Yes you should tell him.

Additionally, if you wan knack, sha dey use protection, I mean condom not pills or injections. If you like believe everything a man tells you, it may end in tears and when it does, don’t say “All men are scum” because you refused to learn from your past mistakes. Ignore this advice and you will learn the hard way. You don’t know that  men use sweet mouth to woo girls 😂  if you fall for that trap, I pray make your life no spoil patapata. Good luck

10. Once a 9ja babe see small money sense go just vanish Den no go use their brain again. 

Like, you could see the terrible red flags and you still dey open your legs for him?

A man told you he doesn’t promise you marriage many times then what the fuck are you still doing? 

He told you no commitment and that’s fact, he already got what he wanted so the reason why he changed. You should be able to decode that 

You heard he was married somehow in which you still continued sleeping with him? Why? 

The worst part is how he denied responsibility and he opted for abortion lol instead of you to learn, you still foolishly open your toto for him again. 

Perhaps the signs I’m seeing here looks like that of a married man. 

Where do you put your sense and dignity? Ask yourself “Is this the type of relationship I want for myself” “what do I gain from this relationship” “what has this relationship taken from me” “Is this the life path I really want?” if the bad sides outweigh the benefits then I think it’s time to reconsider this relationship and let go.

You are not even in any relationship, rather you are into “casual sex” and very soon your eyes go clear when this man spoil your life don’t come online and be generalizing that men are scum whereas you allowed yourself to be used despite the fact you had the chance to leave and say “enough’ you choose to remain because of CHIKINI money.

You were trying to prevent pregnancy, what about STD? heartbreak trauma, wasted time, lost virginity and marathon sex, and okafor law wahala? Lol even this my long epistle no fit change your mind. Well, we can only try, the rest is left for you.

Whenever I listened to women whose life were damaged, I wish other young ladies like you could learn from them because they started in your path too.

You blocked him immediately after that you unlocked him again and started knacking him with CD. That’s okafor’s law starring at you. You will learn the hard way if you don’t throw him away and rebuild your life now that you still have chance to make things right. 

If you don’t rebuild your life now below are the side effects for what this your foolishness will cause you in the future:

You may be emotionally damaged. You have been used and dumped thus emotionally damaged, to love another man may take a lot of efforts and work because to you all men are the same having been damaged by your sex partner 

you may lose interest in serious relationship in future thinking all men would be like this your sex partnr, 

you may develop interest in low-key hookup. Girls who have been damaged emotionally and mentally may develop little interest in low-key hook ups having have nothing to lose anymore because they have already lost their time, dignity and shame 

Wasted time. You may regret the wasted time on casual relationship. A time that could be invested in building your life and a healthy relationship was wasted having silly sex with an alleged married man. 

Okafor law: You will continue knacking him till your life spoil finish even when married or in another relationship. Until okafor’s law teach you a bitter lesson. These are some of the side effects of the damage this relationship will cause you if you don’t throw him away and rebuild your life.

The thing is, all these side effects I wrote here might not happen today or tomorrow, your own cry is waiting for you someday if you don’t use your brain, men will use you and dump you and when that happens please don’t generalize them because you consented to allow yourself to be used and dumped.

11. Sincerely, I find it difficult to understand your intentions because what you wrote here is not clear. I’m confused.

I don’t understand what you wrote properly, I tried to figure it out but I couldn’t connect the dots.

Please resend your message and make your sentence clear for clarity.

• 1.  Your write-up suggest you borrowed him money 4 times but he only acknowledged one 

• 2.  It also suggests you only borrowed him once after he begged for assistance 4 times which you declined thrice 

• How old is this relationship? How much did he borrowed from you? How many times has he borrowed from you? Has he refunded you? What does he do for a living and what do you do for a living? 

Maybe you should answer these questions when you resend so I could understand better..

12.  Many years back, I’ve campaigned against sharing nudes especially with someone new, or strangers on the internet. Sharing of intimate should be with someone you can trust, like a husband or long term partner you have been with long time that you sure of their trust and the truth is, you can’t trust anybody now with your nudes, they can use it against you.

Why You Should Never Share Your Nudes in Relationship

First of all,  do not fucking pay any money, block them everywhere, they can’t do you anything. If you want to know how to handle this issue please read this my article below as I have detailed what exactly to do 👇 

Ex-Partner or Friend Threatening You? Here’s How to Handle Blackmail Safely

13. Smiles, sex on first date is a broad topic, I will attached the link to the full explanation on my website but before that let me do a summary.

Understand that a man that loves you could demand for sex on first date and the ones that don’t would still demand for sex on first date, sex isn’t enough to keep a relationship, however, it can prevent a man from cheating on you. For the ones that doesn’t love you or want to play you, they will stop talking to you or ignore you immediately you said “No” on first date.

Asking for sex on first date? You can just say “no” how they treat you afterwards, determines the future of the relationship. Declining sex on a first date can be a smart decision. I believe it’s important to build genuine love first before diving into sex. Not rushing to sex can help you avoid being used and dumped or being labeled cheap depending on whom you are dating.

Any advice? My advice is, you can decline and tell them “I’m not ready for sex now, maybe as soon as our relationship grows, we can try that” or “I don’t want us to rush now, let’s focus on building our relationship first” If they start pressuring or threatening you with breakup whereas the relationship is barely weeks or months, you can throw them away! Sex is a product of love not an evidence of love.  Give out sex when you think the relationship worth it if not before you know it, your body count would jump to 20 at 200 level and the same men will mock you with your body count.

My observation:

From your write-up, I think you see asking for sex too early as a red flag, that’s not necessarily a red flag, the red flag is what happens after you said “no” on first date and they started giving you attitude or their reaction afterwards.  You made the right decision to decline. What happens after the decline on first date should be your concern. If they are only passionate about sex, you can throw them away besides most schools love ends at school date, 

Is Sex on a First Date Good or Bad? When is the Right Time to Give a Man sex in a Relationship? Find Answers Now