Is It Bad to Check My Partner’s Phone? Advice from a Therapist

There has been a long-standing debate about whether it is appropriate to check your partner’s phone. While some people agree with checking their partner’s phone, others may view it as a bad idea. Is it truly bad to check your partner’s phone? Here is an advice from a therapist:

First, checking your partner’s phone is not necessarily bad; in fact, it can be beneficial for couples. Here are reasons why checking their phone can be crucial and beneficial to both individuals in a relationship:

1. It Builds Trust.

Checking your partner’s phone occasionally can be a way to build trust in the relationship. Trust is earned, not demanded, so if you check their phone and find nothing, or if they go through your phone and find nothing, this may provide reassurance of your loyalty.

However, for a partner who becomes defensive when you ask to check their phone, it may be difficult to trust such a person. Couples who have access to each other’s phones are often happier than those who don’t. The difference is that one couple may be sincere with each other, while the other may not.

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2. Your Phone Is Not Private to Your Partner.

I’ve heard a lot of people say, “A phone is private,” and for that reason, your partner shouldn’t check your phone. But that’s absolutely wrong. If you can share intimate moments, including your body, with someone, then how is your phone more private? Your phone can be private to your family and friends, but to your partner, with whom you want to spend the rest of your life? That’s not reasonable.

Your partner does not need to know all your passwords, but they should at least be able to unlock your phone and do basic things like checking the gallery, watching movies, and even going through your chats. If you can’t trust your partner with your secrets, then you might be in the wrong relationship. Cheating doesn’t begin with physical intimacy; if you are constantly deleting messages to hide them from your partner, you are already engaging in deceptive behavior.

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3. It Exposes a Cheating Partner.

Checking your partner’s phone can reveal things that are hidden from you. It can also be a way to catch a cheating partner. I used to believe that checking a partner’s phone was a bad idea, until I tried it and found out my partner of three years had been cheating on me since the first year. I was so shocked that I couldn’t sleep for days. Since then, I have made it a regular routine to check their phone, and they also have access to mine. 

Imagine if I had never checked their phone; how could I have known they were not faithful to me? It is not wrong to check your partner’s phone. It is better to check and see what makes you sad than to assume they are loyal to you and be happy. Relationships are built on honesty, not lies and deceit.

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4. It Can Reveal If They Are Hiding Something.

When you check your partner’s phone occasionally, you will know whether they’re hiding something from you or not. If they always put their phone on flight mode or keep it somewhere you can’t access, it may suggest they are hiding something from you, and you should confirm by checking their phone. Some are very clever and may delete their chats or other evidence before you arrive, but with patience, you can still catch them, as nobody can pretend forever.

If your partner willingly gives you access to their phone and you do the same, it could be a sign that you are open with each other. In a relationship where both partners are honest, the need to keep secrets will be minimal.

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“I Don’t Check His Phone, and He Doesn’t Check Mine”

When two people in a relationship claim, “I don’t check his phone, and he doesn’t check mine,” it might indicate a lack of openness. If your partner is loyal, they may check your phone occasionally, and if they refuse to let you touch their phone, it may raise concerns. A relationship where you are restricted from touching your partner’s phone is not healthy. This is how many people end up marrying someone who isn’t as they seem.

I once dated a woman who was an assistant pastor at her church. She had slept several times with her friend and a mentor from school. I found out through her chats, and that same woman always acted “saintly” and religious toward me. I would have thought I’d found “wife material” until I saw those messages. I can’t trust anyone who claims to love me but won’t allow me to touch their phone; that’s not love.

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Checking Your Partner’s Phone Isn’t Bad

Checking your partner’s phone isn’t bad, but the manner in which you do it matters. You could check their phone occasionally, not every time you’re together. Before you check their phone, ask them politely or seek their permission so it doesn’t appear as though you’re overstepping your boundaries.

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How About Picking Up My Partner’s Calls? Is It Bad?

It isn’t polite to pick up your partner’s phone call without their permission. If they have a call, you should hand the phone to them wherever they are, or leave it for them. Answering their calls in their absence isn’t polite unless you are both married. Before doing so, communicate with your partner about this to see if they are comfortable with you answering their calls on their behalf. If they feel uncomfortable, don’t do it.

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What to Expect When You Check Your Partner’s Phone

When you check your partner’s phone, expect to find either nothing or something that may cause you pain. You may discover that your partner has been hiding something from you, or perhaps even cheating. If you can’t handle the possibility of being cheated on, it’s best not to check their phone. However, if your partner is faithful and honest with you, you’ll likely feel reassured and happy when going through their phone, knowing that you will find nothing to worry about.

Should I Show My Partner My Phone?

You can show your phone to your partner willingly. In fact, you should let them have your screen unlock password. If you have nothing to hide, you won’t hesitate to show your phone to your partner.

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Is It Good for a Man to check His Wife’s Phone?

For married couples, checking each other’s phones is good. It is one of the best ways to build trust and unity in your home. Checking your spouse’s phone doesn’t mean you’re monitoring their life; rather, it is a normal way to foster trust and unity in the relationship.

In conclusion, checking your partner’s phone can be beneficial for healthy relationships. If they have nothing to hide, they shouldn’t be worried about it. However, you might feel disappointed if, while checking their phone, you discover they are not who they claim to be.

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