Cohabitation: Living Together Before Marriage – Pros, Cons, and the Way Forward

Cohabitation is when a couple lives together in a romantic relationship without being legally married. Some see it as a step toward marriage, while others use it to test compatibility. Some individuals may avoid it due to cultural or religious reasons. It has its benefits, such as shared expenses and deeper emotional bonds, but it also comes with challenges like legal uncertainties and differing expectations.

In this article, we will discuss the pros and cons of cohabitation, what to expect when living with a boyfriend or girlfriend, and how to overcome the challenges that come with it.

Types of Cohabitation

Before discussing the advantages, disadvantages, and way forward, it is important to understand the types of cohabitation in relationships.

1. Temporary Cohabitation

This occurs when couples who are not legally married live together for a short period. For instance, a woman may visit and stay with her boyfriend for weeks or months, performing the role of a wife. She may also move into her boyfriend’s apartment temporarily due to financial reasons or unforeseen circumstances. The duration of temporary cohabitation depends on the agreement between both partners.

2. Permanent Cohabitation

This is when an unmarried couple decides to live together indefinitely, functioning as husband and wife without legal marriage.

Advantages of Living Together Before Marriage

Cohabitation has several benefits, including:

1. Compatibility

Living together helps you understand your partner better. You get enough time to observe their behavior and attitude, which can help you decide if they are the right person for you.

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2. Easy to Detect Fake Love

Cohabitation can reveal your partner’s true feelings over time. Nobody can pretend for too long, especially when living together. If they truly love you, it will be evident in their actions. If they don’t, their behavior will make it clear, helping you make an informed decision sooner rather than later.

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3. Communication and Attention

Cohabitation strengthens communication and attention in a relationship. You can easily express your feelings to your partner, and they are more likely to give you their full attention. It also makes it easier to resolve conflicts and misunderstandings compared to being apart.

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4. Assessing Husband or Wife Material Qualities

Living together can help you determine if your partner has the qualities of a good spouse. Observing how they treat you during cohabitation can give insight into the future of the relationship.

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5. Shared Responsibilities

Cohabitation allows couples to share responsibilities. The man may take on the role of a provider, while the woman manages household chores. Even though they are not legally married, both partners contribute to maintaining the home.

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6. Planning the Future Together

Couples living together can plan their future as a team. Unlike regular relationships where ambitions may remain personal, cohabitation encourages collaboration and goal-setting for a shared future.

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7. Reduced Loneliness

Sometimes, all we need is someone to talk to. While relationships generally offer companionship, cohabitation can help prevent loneliness by ensuring that you always have someone around to share your thoughts and experiences with.

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Disadvantages and Challenges of Cohabitation

While cohabitation has its benefits, it also has its downsides. Here are some challenges and how to address them:

1. Excessive Sexual Activity

One challenge of living together is the tendency for frequent sexual activity, which may not be healthy for a relationship. While some individuals have self-discipline, cohabitation can make it difficult to control sexual urges.

Solution: Discuss sexual expectations and set boundaries before cohabiting. Avoid excessive sexual activity and establish a balance.

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2. Disrespect

Cohabitation can sometimes lead to a lack of respect, especially in permanent cohabitation. A woman who moves in with her boyfriend without marriage may be seen as having made herself too available, which could affect how she is valued. Additionally, if conflicts arise, she may not be able to seek intervention from family since the union is unofficial.

Solution: Maintain financial independence and contribute to the relationship. Performing your responsibilities and setting boundaries can buildup mutual respect.

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3. Financial Burden

Cohabitation can lead to financial strain, especially if one partner depends entirely on the other. In countries with unstable economies, like Nigeria, cohabitation may slow down personal financial growth. Instead of focusing on individual advancement, financial responsibilities shift to the relationship.

Solution: Both partners should have stable sources of income to avoid financial dependence and stress.

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4. Increased Responsibilities

A boyfriend who takes on the role of a husband may feel pressured to provide beyond his means, leading to frustration.

Solution: Avoid cohabiting with a jobless partner to prevent unnecessary financial and emotional burdens.

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5. Risk of Being Used and Dumped

Cohabitation does not guarantee long-term commitment. A partner may leave at any time, regardless of how much time and effort has been invested in the relationship. Some people cohabit for years, only to see their partner move on with someone else.

Solution: If you choose to cohabit, involve both families in the decision to provide some level of commitment and reassurance. However, the best way to avoid this risk is to avoid cohabitation altogether.

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6. Unwanted Pregnancy and Abortion

Frequent sexual activity in cohabiting relationships increases the risk of unintended pregnancies. Studies show that cohabiting women are more likely to have abortions than married women, which can lead to emotional and psychological challenges.

Solution: 1. Avoid cohabitation without legal marriage. 2. Always use protection and practice safe sex. 3. Set clear sexual boundaries with your partner.

Living together does not make you husband and wife. Your partner can leave at any time, so prioritizing safe sex is necessary.

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Is It Proper to Live Together as a Couple Before Marriage?

Morally and culturally, many societies, especially in Africa and Nigeria, discourage cohabitation before marriage. Religious teachings often advise against it, and many traditional beliefs see it as inappropriate. Considering the disadvantages, living together without marriage is not always the best decision. However, for couples ready to settle down, temporary cohabitation before marriage can provide valuable insight into compatibility. This can help in making informed decisions before walking down the aisle.

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