RELATIONSHIP

15 Common Reasons People Change Dramatically After Marriage and How to Prevent It

One of the things that gives many couples sleepless nights is the thought of their partner changing after getting married. Nobody prays to marry a stranger, but at times, you wonder and ask yourself, “Is this the same man I married? Was this the same woman I dated for years? Why do they change all of a sudden?” Even though change is constant in life, there are certain factors that can influence individuals to change dramatically after marriage.

In this article, I will explain some of the reasons why people change after getting married and how to avoid becoming a victim.

1. Hidden Secrets

One of the things that makes people change dramatically after getting married could be hidden secrets. Some people date for many years yet keep secrets from each other until the wedding night or after marriage. For example, I’ve witnessed a situation where a woman lied to her boyfriend, claiming she was a virgin throughout their courtship, only for the man to find out the truth after the wedding. Of course, he forgave her, but the marriage was never the same, as the man completely changed. He began bringing girls to their matrimonial home and had several side chicks.

Many people hide secrets from their partners because they believe that if the truth comes out, the relationship might end, so they keep such secrets until marriage. When their spouse finally finds out, they might say, “So you kept this from me all these years?” They will likely never trust you again, which may lead to a change in behavior.

Imagine your husband just finding out that you had a child in a previous relationship after marriage. And you expect him not to change? Hidden secrets can influence a person’s behavior. It is important for couples to be open about their secrets, especially when they are ready to settle down.

ALSO READ: Certified Relationship Coaching for Young Couples in Nigeria

2. Haunted Pasts

Many people have done things in the past that can’t be forgiven. If your husband or wife discovers your past during marriage, they might change towards you, especially if you never disclosed it during your years of dating. In relationships, you should not keep things from your partner because it may come back to haunt you in the future. For instance, if you were once a “hookup girl” but repented, and years later you marry a man who didn’t know about your past, only for him to discover he married an “Olosho,” this could influence him to change towards you, no matter how good you are. He might never completely forgive you.

If you ask me why people change dramatically after getting married, I would say “Haunted pasts.” There is a difference between enjoying your youth and destroying your future. Some people ruin their futures while enjoying their youth, and those pasts could return to haunt them in a future marriage.

If your past could cause damage to your future, it’s best to open up to your spouse before marriage. Don’t wait until after marriage, as they might change if they find out about your bad past. Tell them everything they need to know about you before marriage.

ALSO READ: Online Dating Platforms for Nigerian Professionals

3. Revenge

This is one of the major reasons why people change dramatically after getting married. You wonder why your once sweet girlfriend turns into a witch after marriage? It could be because she wanted to take revenge for how you mistreated her during courtship. She believes that now, you can’t just send her out of your life. If you cheated on a man during courtship, he might change after marriage and start cheating as revenge.

The truth is, some people can forgive you but will still make sure they get revenge. Of course, they know you might leave the relationship if they retaliate, so they wait for the perfect time—marriage—to teach you a lesson.

For example, maybe you were too demanding in the relationship, always broke-shaming men by saying, “I can’t date a man who does this or that.” As a result, a man might pretend to be the kind of man you want, and when he finally has you legally, you will get to know his true intentions.

ALSO READ: Professional Marriage Counseling Services in Lagos: Strengthening Bonds and Resolving Conflicts

4. They’ve Conquered You

Your husband or wife may feel that they’ve conquered you and see no reason to impress you anymore. That could be the reason for the sudden change—no more communication, attention, care, or quality time together. Perhaps they pretended for all those years to fool you into believing that they wanted you. Many people pretend to love you just to have you and change dramatically after marriage. However, I believe situations like this can be avoided if couples invest time in spending quality time together before marriage.

ALSO READ: How to Save Your Marriage Without Counseling: What to Do

5. Money and Power

Money and power can change someone just as much as poverty can reshape people. It is possible that when you got married, you weren’t this rich, but now that you have everything at hand, your husband might see reason to take another wife or have side chicks because he has the money. Your wife could get a promotion at work and feel superior to you, starting to claim equal rights. All of these factors together can trigger negative changes in the marriage.

In addition, lack of money can cause a person to change dramatically. For instance, if a man loses his job and can no longer contribute financially, it may trigger the woman to change, especially if she isn’t supportive. She may insult or abuse him because he couldn’t provide.

ALSO READ: How to Fix Communication Issues in a Relationship

6. Family and Friends

Family and friends can turn you against your spouse, and vice versa. When this happens, it might feel as though you married a stranger. Taking advice from third parties instead of talking to your partner might not end well. Your husband’s friends can give him bad advice, making him change towards you dramatically. To avoid situations like this, limit the influence of third parties in your relationship or marriage, and always settle your differences by yourselves. Instead of reporting to your in-laws, try communicating with your partner first.

ALSO READ: How to Attract a High-Value Partner: 15 Things to Do

7. Ignored Red Flags

The reason why people change dramatically after marriage could be because of ignored red flags. The truth is, many of us saw the red flags but ignored them because of love. However, those red flags we ignored will still be there waiting for us in marriage, and when they start manifesting, we might mistake it for a dramatic change.

For instance, a man who married a cheating girlfriend and, 20 years later, finds out he’s not the father of all his children—he saw the red flags, but he chose love. A woman who marries a womanizer because of love shouldn’t expect magic in marriage. You knew he was a womanizer, didn’t you? Whatever changes you tolerate in a relationship, expect them to be magnified in marriage.

ALSO READ: First Date Tips for Shy People: How to Feel Comfortable and Make a Great Impression

8. You Rush Into Marriage

Marriage is not something to be rushed into. Make sure you’ve seen your partner in various moods: happy, sad, broke, financially stable, sick, healthy, angry, etc. Seeing your partner in both their worst and best moments will allow you to make an informed decision and prevent dramatic behavior after marriage.

For instance, if you’ve only seen your man in a wealthy mood and after marriage things didn’t go well and he became poor, he might change dramatically towards you because you weren’t used to that side of him. However, if you’ve seen your partner when he was broke and when he was doing well, you would understand him better and wouldn’t mistake his mood swings for a dramatic change.

If you dated someone for only six months or a year and rushed into marriage, just because it worked for others doesn’t mean it will work for you. It’s not even about dating for many years because humans can’t be fully studied. However, take your time and get to know your partner better before walking down the aisle.

ALSO READ: 4 Different Types of Olosho/Oscrow (OS) That You Might Not Be Aware Of: Number One Will Shock You

9. Lack of Spending Time Together

When you don’t spend quality time together, how will you know your girlfriend has a sickness she doesn’t want to let you know about? If you only meet your partner once a year and call that a relationship, you might end up marrying a ghost. When that happens, you will be surprised by your partner’s behavior after marriage. It’s because you didn’t make time for each other.

Before you marry anyone, live together temporarily for at least six months to a year. Also, make sure you invest in spending quality time together, like weekends or a week at your spouse’s place. How they treat you while together is important in making a decision, and this decision can prevent dramatic change in the future. How could you date someone for years without seeing them physically and call that a serious relationship? That’s laughable because you’re probably going to end up with a ghost.

ALSO READ: 7 Different Types of Simps in a Relationship

10. Pregnancy Marriage

Pregnancy can influence a change in marriage, as some women display aggressive or nonchalant behavior while pregnant. This is a normal phase in marriage that will come and go.

Also, if you tied a man down with pregnancy or were forced to marry him because of pregnancy—even when you know his intentions were no more than “pipe and swipe”—such a marriage might witness dramatic changes.

To avoid situations like this, never force yourself on any man because of pregnancy. Marriage is a personal decision, so you shouldn’t force yourself on him to avoid regrets later.

ALSO READ: Top Relationship and Lifestyle Mistakes to Avoid in 2025

11. Presence of Children

There is a difference between a marriage with children and one without. The presence of children can ignite new behaviors and attitudes, such as shifted attention and busy schedules. The wife may focus more on the children while the husband may focus on work and providing, thereby reducing intimacy and attention in the marriage. One partner may feel unloved or lonely if the other isn’t paying attention, and too much loneliness can trigger infidelity.

To avoid situations like this, couples should always communicate their needs and wants in the marriage and address all issues amicably.

ALSO READ: Can Infections Cause Delayed Periods? Here’s What You Need to Know

12. The Love Is No Longer There

When you marry someone who isn’t physically attracted to you, they might change dramatically after marriage. It’s important to marry someone you love and who loves you in return. Marrying someone who isn’t physically attracted to you can trigger dramatic changes in marriage that hurt your happiness. People change when the love is no longer there.

Never stop loving your partner. Tell them “I love you” always and resolve misunderstandings as soon as possible before they escalate.

ALSO READ: Why Your Partner Isn’t Paying Attention to You And How to Rebuild Attention in Your Relationship

13. Fights and Misunderstandings

Constant fights and misunderstandings can trigger a change in marriage. Some couples may use silent treatment, while others may become toxic and abusive due to unresolved issues. All of these factors can make one partner change dramatically.

ALSO READ: Things You Need to Deflower a Girl: How to Penetrate Tight Vagina Without Pain

14. Environment

Changing environments is also one of the reasons why couples change after getting married. A new environment means meeting new people, a new work environment, new cultures, and new communities. For instance, couples might behave or treat each other differently when they travel abroad. To avoid this type of change, make sure you marry someone who loves you, and both of you are always on the same page.