How to Avoid Toxic Relationships in Nigerian Polytechnics and Universities

Relationships are an important part of life, especially during one’s time in school. Maybe friendships or romantic partnerships, the people we allow into our lives can have a huge effect on our peace of mind, mental health, and academic progress. In Nigerian polytechnics and universities, young people leave home for the first time and are exposed to different kinds of individuals. These new connections can shape experiences on campus, for better or worse. Unfortunately, not everyone we meet has good intentions. Some people bring negativity, manipulation, and harm into our lives—this is what we often describe as a toxic relationship.

Toxic relationships are unhealthy connections that drain your energy, lower your self-esteem, and interfere with your goals. They can leave you feeling confused, emotionally exhausted, and sometimes isolated. Recognizing and avoiding toxic relationships while in school is one of the best decisions a student can make.

In this article, we will look at the steps you can take to protect yourself from toxic people while in a Nigerian polytechnic or university.

Know Yourself and Your Values

The first step in avoiding unhealthy relationships is to know who you are and what you stand for. Before you begin forming close ties with anyone, you need to have a clear idea of your personal values, boundaries, and long-term goals. When you have self-awareness, it becomes easier to spot behavior that does not align with the kind of life you want.

Many toxic relationships thrive because people ignore their values or compromise their standards just to fit in. For example, if you value honesty but you find yourself surrounded by people who frequently lie or engage in shady behavior, it’s a red flag. Stay true to your principles, even if it means standing alone at first. In the long run, this will save you a lot of trouble.

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Choose Friends Wisely

The kind of friends you make in school can either build you up or break you down. Be intentional about who you allow into your inner circle. Look out for people who encourage you to be your best, respect your opinions, and support your dreams.

Avoid friendships that are based solely on material things, gossip, or peer pressure. In Nigerian campuses, there’s often a temptation to associate with cliques that show off wealth, connections, or popularity. But not all that glitters is gold. Some of these groups may pressure you into behaviors you are uncomfortable with, such as cultism, excessive partying, or risky sexual activities. These behaviors often lead to regret and long-term consequences.

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Pay Attention to Red Flags Early On

Sometimes we ignore signs that a relationship is not healthy until it becomes difficult to walk away. Paying attention to warning signs early can save you heartache and wasted time. Some common red flags in toxic relationships include:

If someone always wants to decide who you talk to, where you go, or what you wear, it’s a problem. Constant insults, jokes that put you down, or making you feel less important is not something to take lightly. Real friends and partners want you to do well. If someone always discourages you or makes you feel like your dreams are impossible, they may not be the right person to have in your life. If a person frequently lies, twists stories to make you feel guilty, or plays mind games, be careful.

Jealousy and possessiveness: A little jealousy can seem harmless, but when someone becomes overly possessive and suspicious without cause, it often leads to bigger problems. Once you notice these signs, it’s wise to create distance before things escalate.

Focus on Your Studies and Personal Growth

One way to avoid getting caught in unhealthy relationships is to stay focused on the reason you’re in school—to learn and build a future for yourself. Many students lose track of their purpose because they get too deeply involved in relationships that drain their time and energy.

Prioritize your academic work, skill-building, and self-improvement. Get involved in activities that help you grow, such as joining academic clubs, volunteering, or learning a trade. When your attention is on personal development, you’re less likely to entertain relationships that bring negativity into your life.

Set Clear Boundaries

Healthy relationships require boundaries. These are limits you set to protect your peace of mind and personal space. In Nigerian polytechnics and universities, you’ll meet people from different backgrounds, and not everyone will understand your limits unless you make them clear.

If you’re uncomfortable with late-night visits, borrowing personal items, or discussing certain topics, say so politely but firmly. People who respect you will respect your boundaries. Those who constantly try to cross the lines you set, or make you feel bad for having them, are likely not the right people to be around.

Don’t Be Afraid to Say No

Many students struggle with saying “no” because they fear being disliked or left out. But always agreeing to things you don’t feel comfortable with can lead to regret. Whether it’s being pressured into a relationship, attending parties you don’t want to, or lending money you can’t afford to lose, you have the right to say no.

People who genuinely care about you will understand your decision and respect it. Toxic individuals will make you feel guilty or try to punish you for setting limits. Learning to say no is a skill that will serve you well not just in school but throughout your life.

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Listen to What Others Say

Sometimes we become blind to toxic behavior because we are emotionally involved. If your trusted friends or family members express concern about someone you are close to, don’t ignore them immediately. While you don’t have to accept every opinion, it’s important to listen objectively.

People outside the relationship often see things more clearly because they are not emotionally attached. If different people are telling you that someone is not good for you, it may be time to take a step back and evaluate things carefully.

Avoid the Pressure to Be in a Relationship

Campus life can make it seem like everyone is dating or in a serious relationship. Some people feel pressured to have a boyfriend or girlfriend just to feel accepted. But rushing into relationships for the wrong reasons often leads to toxic situations.

It’s better to be single and happy than to be involved with someone who brings stress and unhappiness into your life. Focus on building strong friendships first, and if a romantic relationship happens naturally and feels right, then it’s a bonus.

Don’t Ignore Your Instincts

Your gut feeling is often your best guide. If something about a person or relationship doesn’t feel right, pay attention. Many people who found themselves stuck in toxic situations often say they had a bad feeling in the beginning but chose to ignore it.

Trust your instincts, even when you can’t explain why you feel uncomfortable. It’s better to be cautious than to regret ignoring warning signs later.

Seek Support When You Need It

If you find yourself in a relationship that has turned toxic, don’t be afraid to seek help. Talk to someone you trust—a close friend, a lecturer, a counselor, or even a religious leader. Nigerian schools often have student affairs departments that can assist in difficult situations. Leaving a toxic relationship can be difficult, especially if you’ve become emotionally attached. But you don’t have to go through it alone. Getting support makes the process easier and gives you strength to move forward.

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Protect Your Mental Health

Your mental health should always be a top priority. Toxic relationships often lead to stress, anxiety, and depression. If you find yourself constantly worried, sad, or losing focus on your studies because of someone in your life, it’s time to reevaluate that relationship.

Take time for self-care. Whether it’s spending time with people who uplift you, engaging in hobbies you enjoy, or practicing relaxation techniques, make sure you are doing things that keep your mind healthy and positive.

Toxic relationships are, unfortunately, a common challenge in Nigerian polytechnics and universities. But you can avoid falling into them by knowing who you are, setting clear boundaries, and focusing on your personal growth. Always choose friends and partners who respect you, support your dreams, and bring positivity into your life.

Remember, the time you spend in school is not just about academics—it’s also about building a solid foundation for your future. Surround yourself with people who help you become the best version of yourself. When you do, you’ll leave school with not just a certificate, but also lasting friendships and peace of mind.

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