ANONYMOUS

From My Inbox: Answering Your Anonymous Therapy Questions, Confessions August 2025 Part 1

1. This is okafor’s Law

I believe every man knows what okafor’s law means and I don’t think a man who understands what okafor’s law is will ever think of pushing such a woman for marriage. 2022-2025 = 4 whooping years. Enough for anyone to have moved on. Lot has happened but you refused to see that. You broke up for reasons, she moved on and married for a reason but for reasons now divorced for another reasonsBut you for no reason say you want to marry her after 4 years. Your reason nah “she or we dey do like boyfriend and girlfriend now” shoroniyen?

Okafor’s law don’t just happen, it happens because either one of you initiated it. If it was you who initiated the okafor’s law, “We don dey do like boyfriend and girlfriend now All I can say is, you will learn the hardest way. Marry her first then you will know the power of okafor’s law when she goes back to that man that do her Nikah secretly, until then dey enjoy the kpekus while it lasts. Thing no work first time, second time it still didn’t work for her now third time you still wan put head? Which kind simping be that bro? Woman finish for 9ja? Abi nah the kpekus dey confuse you? Whether to marry her should be on your own personal decision. Make u no talk say nah me discourage you from learning that lesson wey dey hungry you to learn.

2. In Nigeria, being physically challenged is another challenge on its own in relationship because many people won’t want to associate. Nevertheless, there successful stories that inspire.

If your girlfriend’s family doesn’t like you, slow down, focus on their daughter and let her do the work, she may be the one to fight for you depending on her courage and strength and investment in the relationship. Parents can be cunny but if their daughter is mean about it, they might reconsider. So what can I do? Talk to your girlfriend about it, how she feels about you, and your future. Listen to her perspective. Her response will be very useful.

If the lady is proud to flaunt you as her man and never see you as incomplete or physically challenged that means she genuinely loves you (provided you are not inducing her with money or material things) Talk to her, listen to her perspective and see how the relationship goes. family acceptance is very important but you need to see her investment first as that determines what to-do. Sometimes the future of your relationship lies upon your partner and her family.

Her family can reject you but if she could fight for you and stand by you, there can be a difference. However, if you observe she’s not proud to flaunt you publicly and her actions indicates she is on her family side. I think it’s better you let her go and slowly find someone else who loves you for who you are and what you have become. Until then handle this with patience, wisdom and paying attention to the signs. Good luck.

3. 5 years of deceit and mumuing.

She cherished your absence but hates your presence. Wow. If you have talked about it and nothing changes, wetin I wan talk again? Relationship shouldn’t make you forget who you are, your dreams and aspirations. The earlier you remember this the better else your eyes go peel. If your girlfriend isn’t reciprocating your vibes even after several conversations, maybe you should reconsider the relationship or withdraw your efforts to see how much she values the relationship. How do you expect her to take you serious when you worship the ground she walked on? Women don’t value simps. sometimes ghost her, see how she values you, be unpredictable.

“It’s hard for me not to hear her voice in a day”

I understand how it feels because I also have been there. It’s normal to feel this way if you genuinely love someone but if you still have this mentality omoh you go tey for bus stop ooo because your girlfriend can take you for granted knowing fully well that you don’t have standards and boundaries. The question is, does she she feel same way if she doesn’t hear from you in a day? If no! you better start detaching yourself small small. Girlfriend wey dey give you attitude because you couldn’t give her money nah good woman?

4. When a man marries, his wife and his own children becomes his top priority while his parents becomes second. For single, parents first followed by others

Sometimes lack of communication can cause misinterpretation and misunderstanding, I guess what your boyfriend was trying to say is that after marriage, his responsibilities will shift which is correct. It doesn’t mean he would stop providing at all. He’s trying to tell you that he’s trying his best for his parents now so that when he finally gets married and he’s unable to perform effectively like he was while single, his parents will understand

Perhaps as his girlfriend, you deserve to understand his perspective better so you could engage him in deeper for instance. “Do you mean you will stop everything you are doing for your parents after marriage? Or you will reduce it to focus on your own family? ” them listen to his perspective after that then you share your own thoughts too for example:

“I don’t think being married should mean ending your responsibilities to your family, you may reduce to strike balance but not cutting off” then wait for his perspective again

His perspective matters, but when you share your thoughts too, you can reason together. Always engage your boyfriend in deep conversations, speak up about your thoughts and discuss it. This will give you insight on what to expect in future and how you can address it. What your boyfriend said is valid but I guess he didn’t make it clear to you properly based on the way he presented it.

Won’t I be labeled bad?

A bad wife is a woman who turns her husband against his own family and doesn’t like to see her husband’s family presence or like to see her husband helping his own family. As long as you encourage your man to remember his parents in striking balance and you love your in-laws as your own parents, nobody will label you a bad wife perhaps if you and your in-laws are padi. Good luck

5. Thank you for giving me feedback I really appreciate. It gives me more insight.

Like I said in the previous response I quoted two things if you could remember, “THEY DIDN’T ACCEPT IN THE FIRST PLACE” “THEY SAID THEY WILL PRAY” I described those two statements as the signs which was already there to tell. Anybody telling you that they’re waiting for their prophets say about their relationship is fooling you especially if it’s coming from their parents. That’s illiteracy and sign disinterest in the relationship.

Sorry, take heart, please move on. Finding love as a single mother can be challenging but my advice you is to be patient. I’ve sisters in family in your shoes who later remarried and they’re in their second marriage till date. Just don’t rush or keep sleeping around. Know your worth and let men know your status. The truth is, it might not even his parents that said so, it could be him speaking through his parents. This is Nigeria and all these tactics ain’t new. Please read my write-up on how to avoid being used and dumped 👇

How to Avoid Being Used and Dumped in a Relationship

In the article I emphasised one of the key steps to avoid wasting your time in a relationship is to tell your partner to introduce you to his family. At least you will know If they like you so you won’t be wasting your time.

What can I do?

Just be yourself, don’t turn yourself to low-key hook up girl, reserve your body and respect your body, avoid unprotected sex with a man you are not married to(to avoid unwanted pregnancy), be patient and be hopeful. There are single women over 30+ still single You are not alone. There is no One time frame for everyone, everybody have their time so be patient, be hopeful and be positive. Work on self development and the right will come someday. Good Luck.

6. Your own flaws

You know you get tired easily which is one of your own flaws but you want a man to be like everything you dreamt of? Life doesn’t work that way, there is no perfection meaning there might be one thing missing out which you have to adjust and learn to blend in to. So instead of giving up, why not work on yourself? Why not focus on self development? What not improve the way you see life? Why not change on getting tired easily? No perfection relationships and marriage, it requires efforts from both parties meaning you just have to work on yourself and change your mindset.

Instead of saying “I have limited access to what I can endure” say “I will try everything possible within my capacity to endure” and train yourself to endure?

“I don’t think I can marry”

That she had a terrible experience of marriage doesn’t mean you will walk the same path. The fact that there isn’t love among your parents doesn’t mean there won’t be love in your own family too when you get married. You should focus on being better than your parents and big sister and you can’t be better than them with negative mindset. Be optimistic about your relationship and you will definitely notice the difference.

Your parents has lived their lives, your sister chose her path so it’s time to live your own life and choose your own path. If you enter relationships with this negative mindset, it won’t last because you have had the mindset that your partner isn’t different from your sister husband or your dad which may negatively affect your relationship. Negative mindset affects your mental health and discourage you from putting efforts into your relationship so always be positive about your relationship. This way, things can move forward rather being stuck with the negativity that your boyfriend might be like your sister’s husband.

If you want to be married, you must be ready to be submissive and peform your duties likewise endurance is important. If you lack these qualities, there might be problems in your marriage regardless of who you are married to. So focus on being the best version of yourself and get rid of your mind from negativity.

“Do you think I can cope”

It depends on you and what you want but if you ask me, I will say “Yes” you can cope if you are willing to make sacrifices to make it work. Look, any relationship can work provided the both of you are ready to make it work and you are ready to blend and adjust to each others taste. It depends on you and your readiness. The question is are you ready to endure and sacrifice what it takes to cope? If yes then go head but if no please reconsider.

Devoted Christian Vs low-key Christians

Dating a devoted Christian comes with challenges and sacrifices. Example is lack of quality time, prayer warrior, freedom, lifestyle changes among others. If you are ready to sacrifice your lifestyle for love, I think you can cope but if you are not ready to make changes for the relationship to work, there will be issue

For instance your partner may want you to stay away from wearing certain clothes, if you ignore, there will be issues. So, if you can’t sacrifice your lifestyle, it’s better to discontinue but if you are ready and want a relationship that will last, coping won’t be a problem as long as you have the mindset of adjusting.

“He wants me to call first”

This isn’t a problem, he wants you to call him first when he’s with his family and friends which is a normal thing. He’s telling you the fact and you should take to correction instead of complaining. Calling your man when he’s with his family and friends can boost his respect among his friends. If a man tell you this, he loves you so you should take to that simple correction. This isn’t about attitude, it’s a simple thing you should do to keep a relationship. No perfect relationships, you have to build it yourself. When your partner tells you areas where they want improvement from you, you should take to correction and adjust.

In conclusion, your parents and sister has lived their lives please live yours and don’t compare your good and responsible man to your parents and your sister. Dating a pastor comes with sacrifice and endurance so you have to think if you are ready to sacrifice and endure. If you can’t endure and make sacrifices, this maybe the time to reflect on whether this relationship is a good one for you.

7. First of all change your mindset about the course..

Many students where offered the opposite of what they want to study and yet still make a headway. Dental surgery technology is a good course. I don’t know where you heard that from oo. Be passionate about your course and you will see the difference. 2.6 is lower credit so work harder this semester, study hard and start loving the course. This way, you will love the course more. What you are heard isn’t totally correct. Strive hard for a good result next semester. Good luck.

8. LET HIM GO

Love alone isn’t enough, religion and family acceptance acceptance also matters. Let him go. However if you are comfortable with wasting your time, ignore this advice. Good luck.

9. Lol this one weak me sha… Omoh 😩🤯🤯

10. Why can’t I Move on from Him/Her? 7 Reasons and How to Move on from Your Ex

10. Thanks to God ❤️❤️

11. If you don’t throw her away, your ancestors may punish you.

You are a student, she’s also a student then how does she expect you to foot her bills when you are both students? This isn’t love but parasitic relationship.

Sex isn’t an investment. If you think sex is an investment wait until the relationship ends then you will understand what “Investment” means in a relationship when you begin to count losses while she count none.

“SHE RELIED ON ME FOR FOOD”

Nothing is wrong in being supportive to each other but if one partner becomes dependent on the other especially as an undergraduate student in Nigeria, it’s not love but stupidity. Flee. You are a student, should you be performing someone husband role at this tender age?

PS: I understand that country is hard somehow but if you ask a woman and she never ever dey chop for once plus selfish and have no value to offer you than sex, fling her. This girl might drain you financially and emotionally. Ignore this advice and watch yourself start billing your parents unnecessarily plus exploring yahoo due to peer pressure to provide. Good luck.