EDUCATION

15 Mistakes to Avoid at the Talking Stage or Early Stage of a Relationship

Is there a man or woman you met recently, and you are both at the talking stage of a relationship, and you don’t want to ruin the vibes and perhaps make sure everything goes well before jumping in the dating pool? Reading this article might be worth your time as it provides valuable insights on the mistakes to avoid at the talking stage or early stage of a relationship.

The talking stage involves getting to know each other better through communication, attention, and meaningful conversations. Many people look for green and red flags during this phase to determine whether to pursue the relationship further. However, it is also a stage where mistakes can derail progress. To help ensure a smooth connection with the person you just met, here are 15 mistakes you should avoid

1. Telling Them Your Secrets.

Everyone has secrets that they keep to themselves, but sometimes when we fall in love, we tend to share our secrets with our new partner. While it is good to be open and honest with each other, avoid telling them all your secrets at the talking stage. The reason is, you don’t know whether this person really wants you or deserves you. This is the talking stage, and you shouldn’t tell them everything about yourself, especially your deepest secrets. You can brief them but avoid sharing your deepest secrets until you can trust them about it.

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2. Talking Ill Of Your Ex.

It is possible that your ex really hurt you and left a vacuum in your heart, but never make the mistake of always speaking badly of your ex at the talking stage. You can discuss what ended the relationship and how you were hurt but avoid badmouthing your ex, talking ill of them in every conversation. Doing so can send a red flag signal to your new partner that you might be the toxic one.

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If you always mention your ex in every conversation, it could be a sign that you are yet to heal or move on from your past hurts, and this can force them to pull back and give up on pursuing a relationship with you. Take your time to heal first and get over your ex. Avoid bringing up your ex in the talking stage unless your partner inquires about them.

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3. Your Pasts Should Be Brief.

Everyone has his or her own past, and most times, talking about the past is inevitable in a relationship. While it is good to be open and honest about your pasts, it is crucial to understand that some things are meant to be private until you feel you can trust your partner with your pasts.

For example, telling a guy you just met that you were raped is not wise enough; not everyone can handle such conversations intelligently; he could see you as a “whore” and might think you lied. If you have had abortions before or are an ex-convict, it’s best you keep that private except if you think it was necessary for you to open up. Don’t be too quick to reveal everything about your past at the talking stage; remember, it’s still the talking stage, and you don’t know yet whether they really want you in their life, so telling them every bit of your past might send a wrong signal. Be wise.

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4. Degrading Your Family.

Do not degrade your family before someone you just met. This is a very unwise thing to do. For example, telling a new partner that your dad is “irresponsible” or that your mom is a useless mother is so insensitive. They might be afraid of pursuing a relationship knowing fully well that your family is divided. No matter how bad your family is, please do not badmouth your family or speak badly of your parents to someone new. Of course they will still know about your family dynamics in the future; you can tell them how your family is, but don’t degrade your parents or family.

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5. Using Money To Woo A Woman.

Never use money to influence a woman’s love. I understand that you are rich and have the money, but genuine love cannot be bought. So when pursuing a relationship with a woman, avoid using a “simp man” approach like flaunting wealth, asking her to send an account number, sending her data, or sending her airtime to get her attention, etc. In fact, it is wiser to dress like an average man than to present yourself as that rich guy she wants. This is to make sure you select a wife, not just a one-night stand. Money is good because it makes relationships sweeter, but never use money to influence love, especially at the talking stage or early stage of a relationship.

If you have been sending a woman money at the talking stage, sharing her data and airtime, and buying things for her so she could see you as a caring man, sorry, you are making a big mistake in which you may have to learn the hard way because genuine love cannot be bought with money.

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6. Begging For Money.

Another mistake you must avoid at the talking stage is begging for financial assistance. No matter how hard things may be at that moment, it’s best you reach out to your family and friends rather than begging a new partner at the talking stage for money. That is a terrible red flag that can stop them from pursuing a relationship with you.

Whether the man is rich or the lady is independent, you have no business asking for money or financial help at the talking stage or early stage of a relationship. If your gas has finished or you are hungry, you should get a job. Perhaps a job is what a hungry person needs, not a relationship, so if you are going to be begging for money at a talking stage, it’s better you remain single; otherwise you might lose your self-worth before your partner.

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7. Bragging About Your Achievements.

It is good to be proud of your life goals and achievements, but too much pride isn’t good. For example, bragging about your car, house, and how much you have in your bank account is a red flag. Don’t do that. If you are truly doing well, your achievements will speak for themselves. You can share your achievements but avoid bragging about them or using them as a form of impression. Your partner may see your impression as “oppression,” and that could chase them away if they see it as a red flag.

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8. Too Many Lies.

A lot of people make this mistake, but it is one of the factors that will kill the relationship in the end. Too many lies are not good. You see, at a talking stage of a relationship, your partner is writing down everything you tell them and saving it in their memory, so if they later find out you were fake, they could discontinue the relationship, and at that point you would have fallen deeply in love with them.

In the end, you will be hurt and heartbroken. Let your talking stage be built on trust and transparency, and if you feel like there is a need to disguise until you are sure your partner genuinely loves you, make sure to open up to them as soon as possible because any relationship built on lies won’t last.

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9. Send Me Transport Fare.

Although it depends on where you are meeting and how distant you are from each other, in a situation where you are living in the same city or town, asking them to send you transport money at the talking stage while you are living in the same town is not a smart move.

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However, for a long-distance relationship, it is necessary to discuss how and where to meet, and the man should be the one responsible for bearing the cost while the woman may offer support to ensure it’s not one-sided depending on their agreements. This is a talking stage; you are not dating yet. At least you should be able to afford transport fare for the first time, except for cases whereby the distance is far and requires funding; then you can both discuss how to manage your finances.

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10. Pretending to Be What You Are Not.

This is one of the mistakes to avoid at a talking stage. I understand you might want to impress that man or woman to keep them interested in you, but it shouldn’t be at the expense of faking your life.

“You don’t like pepper in meals; you now say you like pepper because you want to marry Olabisi from Ondo State, Emeka; you go see pepper. Fake impressions also involve fake buttocks and fake hips without letting the guy know this is a falsehood.”

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11. Judging them by their Appearance.

Do not judge a book by its cover, especially if you are looking for husband and wife material and not just boyfriend and girlfriend. Understand that some men may pretend to be broke, poor, or bad-looking to test your genuineness, while some ladies might just decide to be natural to observe your true intentions. While it’s true that first impressions are important, it is wise not to judge someone by their appearance, especially at the talking stage, until you get to know them better.

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12. Prioritizing Sex.

It’s a mistake to involve and prioritize sex at a talking stage in a relationship. It clouds judgment, puts you at risk of being used and dumped, leads to pregnancy, infections, a forced marriage, unplanned single parenthood, guilt, etc. Be Wise. Don’t make these mistakes. Instead, take your time and be friends first and at least study them for a while before jumping into the sex part. Imagine someone you met within a few days has already slept with you many times; this puts you at risk of being used and dumped. Unless you are sure the relationship has come to stay, never make this mistake.

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13. Saying Too Much, Too Early

This is in addition to my earlier points about keeping secrets at a talking stage. The relationship hasn’t even started; you’re telling him you have a small spiritual problem mixed with a medium financial problem. Ha, Ngozi, your mumu is not too much?

You’ll need to be sure of a person’s conviction, commitment, and maturity before you tell them certain things about you. It’s not a lie or pretense; just read the room and know the right time to let out certain information, as it could be detrimental. Of course they may engage you in different conversations, but you should respond in a smart way rather than talking too much.

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14. Create No Boundaries

Don’t go into a relationship and head to marriage without stating what the boundaries are for you. Define the relationship and its limits; how far is too far? Don’t allow in a RELATIONSHIP what you know you can’t/won’t allow in MARRIAGE; let your partner know there are areas they shouldn’t go. He’s beating you now? And you’re keeping quiet, Abi? She’s insulting you now, and you’re not saying anything? You know they have a bestie now, and you kept quiet? Always set clear boundaries in any relationship. This will ensure that all things go well as you begin your love journey.

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15. Have/Express No Expectations

It is a mistake to come to a relationship without expressing your expectations just because you can’t wait to be married. What are your expectations? Marriage? Abstinence till Marriage? Place of worship after marriage? Etc. Anything you don’t say EARLY, you may find it difficult to say LATER.

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