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How to Earn Someone’s Trust Back After Hurting Them

When you hurt someone you care about—whether through betrayal, dishonesty, neglect, or harsh words—the damage doesn’t just go away with an apology. You can’t undo the pain, but you can rebuild what was broken. The real question is: are you ready to do the work?

Earning back someone’s trust is not about convincing them to forget what happened. It’s about proving, over time, that their heart is safe with you again. This process takes patience, humility, consistency, and a lot of inner work.

If you truly regret the pain you caused and want to make things right, here’s how to start earning back trust the right way.

1. Stop Expecting Instant Forgiveness

When you’ve hurt someone, especially someone who deeply trusted you, healing won’t happen overnight. You may be sorry. You may want things to go back to normal. But you don’t get to control their timeline.

Don’t rush them to “get over it.” Don’t guilt-trip them into moving on. And don’t act like your apology should have fixed everything. Real trust isn’t handed back quickly—it’s rebuilt through consistency. Let them feel what they need to feel, even if it makes you uncomfortable.

2. Take Full Responsibility—No Excuses

Saying “I’m sorry you felt that way” is not an apology. That’s deflection. That’s minimizing. That’s avoiding accountability.

If you want to earn trust back, you must own your actions without shifting blame. Say things like:

“I was wrong, and I take full responsibility.”
“What I did hurt you deeply, and I’m sorry.”

Don’t justify it. Don’t compare it to things they have done. Just stand in the truth of what you did. That’s the foundation of rebuilding trust.

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3. Show That You Understand the Pain You Caused

An apology means nothing if the other person feels like you still don’t get how much it hurt. You must be able to articulate the pain you caused—not just say you’re sorry. For example:

“I see that my dishonesty made you feel betrayed and insecure.”
“I understand that by ignoring you, I made you feel abandoned and unimportant.” When you validate their feelings, you show them you’re not just trying to fix things—you’re trying to feel what they felt. That’s where healing begins.

4. Be Transparent from This Point Forward

Trust thrives in honesty—and dies in secrecy. If you’re trying to rebuild someone’s trust, transparency must become a way of life.

That means:

Answering questions without getting defensive
Offering information freely, even when it’s uncomfortable
Being open about your intentions, whereabouts, or relationships if asked

This isn’t about giving up your privacy forever—it’s about creating a sense of safety while their trust in you is healing.

ALSO READ: Signs Your Partner Is Truly Sorry for Hurting You

5. Apologize More Than Once If Needed

Some people need to talk about the pain more than once. They may bring it up again weeks or months later. And when they do, don’t snap, sigh, or say, “I thought we were past this.” They’re not stuck—they’re healing. And healing isn’t linear. Be ready to say “I’m sorry” again—without acting like it’s a burden. Real remorse is patient.

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6. Change Your Behavior Consistently

The clearest proof of true repentance is changed behavior. Not for a week. Not for a month. But consistently.

If your betrayal involved cheating, end inappropriate friendships.
If you were dishonest, start telling the truth even when it costs you.
If you neglected them emotionally, become more intentional with communication. You can’t just promise change—you have to live it. Over and over. Until they start to believe in you again.

7. Respect Their Boundaries

They may need space. They may want to slow things down. They may ask for new boundaries in the relationship—emotional, physical, or relational. Don’t argue. Don’t push. Respecting their new limits shows maturity and a willingness to meet them where they are. Trust is fragile after it’s been broken. The best way to protect it is by honoring what they need to feel safe again.

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8. Be Patient with Their Triggers

Even long after the apology, certain situations may bring the pain back up. A comment. A location. A reminder of what happened.

Instead of saying, “You’re overreacting,” respond with compassion:
“I see this triggered something painful for you. I’m here, and I’m sorry again.” Don’t make their healing inconvenient. Make it part of your responsibility to create a relationship that feels safe.

9. Don’t Expect the Relationship to Go Back to “Normal”

What you had before is gone. And that’s okay. What you build now can be stronger—if you’re both willing to grow. Instead of trying to recreate what you had, focus on building something healthier and more honest. Learn from what broke the relationship and let it guide your growth. The goal isn’t to erase the past. It’s to redeem it.

10. Work on Yourself—Not Just the Relationship

Sometimes we hurt people because we haven’t healed ourselves. Insecurity, pride, past trauma, emotional immaturity—these things show up in our relationships when we ignore them. So don’t just focus on winning them back. Focus on becoming someone worth trusting. Go to therapy. Seek godly mentorship. Pray for wisdom. Read books on emotional growth. Ask God to refine your heart and character. When they see you becoming a better person—not just a better partner—they’ll believe in the future again.