How to Deal With In-Laws Interfering in Marriage

When you get married, you don’t just marry your partner—you marry into their family. While some in-laws offer support, love, and guidance, others can become a serious source of stress. The interference may come in subtle ways or outright control. Either way, it can cause conflict between you and your spouse if not handled carefully.

In-laws who overstep boundaries can make you feel disrespected, unheard, or trapped. Whether it’s a mother-in-law who always criticizes your decisions or a sibling who constantly shows up uninvited, this kind of interference can slowly poison a marriage if it’s not addressed early.

Maintaining peace while protecting your marriage requires clear communication, unity with your spouse, and consistent boundaries. Here’s how to manage the situation without tearing your relationship apart.

1. Talk to Your Partner First—Not Their Parents

Your first step is always your spouse. If their family is interfering, it’s their responsibility to handle it. Telling your in-laws off yourself—especially in anger—will likely make things worse. Calmly explain to your partner what bothers you. Focus on how it affects you emotionally rather than blaming their family outright. When your partner sees how deeply it’s hurting you, they’ll be more motivated to address it. The goal is to get them on the same page so you can both stand as a united front.

2. Avoid Insulting or Blaming the In-Laws

No matter how difficult your in-laws are, calling them names or saying things like “your mother is ruining this marriage” will only trigger defensiveness. Your partner may feel forced to defend their family instead of solving the issue. Focus instead on behaviors: “When your dad questions how we raise our kids, I feel disrespected.” That’s a more constructive way to communicate how you feel without making it a personal attack.

ALSO READ: How to Know He’s Serious in the Talking Stage

3. Set Clear Boundaries as a Couple

The only way to stop in-laws from interfering is by setting boundaries that both you and your partner agree on. Boundaries may include limiting unannounced visits, not discussing certain topics (like finances or parenting), or deciding what kind of access in-laws should have to your home and relationship. Once these boundaries are in place, stick to them consistently. It’s not about being rude—it’s about protecting your peace.

4. Your Partner Must Be the One to Communicate the Boundaries

The person who is related to the interfering family member should be the one to set the boundary. If your spouse’s mother keeps giving unsolicited advice, your spouse needs to address it, not you. It carries more weight coming from them, and it avoids creating the narrative that you’re the one trying to pull your spouse away from their family. This approach also makes it clear that both of you are on the same page.

5. Decide What You’ll Tolerate and What You Won’t

Not every form of interference deserves a major fight. Some things might just require patience or emotional distance. But other things—like constant criticism, controlling behavior, or disrespect—need immediate attention. Figure out what you can ignore and what crosses the line. Having this clarity will help you stay calm and respond wisely rather than reacting emotionally to every little thing.

6. Keep Private Matters Private

The more you share with in-laws about your personal lives—your arguments, finances, or bedroom issues—the more opportunity you give them to interfere. Some couples invite this unknowingly by over-sharing. Protect your marriage by keeping certain matters strictly between the two of you. This doesn’t mean being secretive—it means being protective of the emotional space you both share.

7. Stay Respectful—Even When They Aren’t

It’s tempting to respond to meddling with sarcasm, anger, or silence. But respect gives you the upper hand. It keeps you in control of your emotions and shows your partner (and even their family) that you are mature enough to handle the situation without adding fuel to the fire. Respond with calm words, firm boundaries, and grace. You’ll maintain your dignity, and your partner is more likely to support you when they see you’ve tried everything respectfully.

8. Protect Your Mental Health

Dealing with in-laws who don’t know their place can be emotionally exhausting. Over time, it can affect your mental well-being, especially if your partner refuses to take your concerns seriously. Don’t hesitate to take emotional breaks, seek outside support, or talk to a counselor if the situation is draining you. You can’t pour into your marriage if you’re constantly being pulled down by someone else’s toxic behavior.

ALSO READ: 12 Ways to Protect a Relationship: How to Secure Your Relationship

9. Don’t Let Your Spouse Sit on the Fence

If your partner keeps avoiding the issue or says things like, “That’s just how my mom is,” it’s time for a serious conversation. A spouse who refuses to stand up for you will eventually create a marriage where you feel alone. Let them know that silence or avoidance only gives their family more power over your relationship. They don’t have to pick sides—but they do have to support you enough to protect your marriage.

10. Limit Contact if the Behavior Doesn’t Change

If you’ve tried talking, setting boundaries, and staying respectful—and the interference continues—it’s okay to step back. You don’t need to visit every holiday. You don’t have to answer every call. Limiting access doesn’t mean cutting off completely—it means protecting your space and emotional balance. Sometimes physical and emotional distance is the only thing that helps people realize the damage they’re doing.

11. Present a Strong United Front

Interfering in-laws usually look for cracks. If they sense that you and your spouse are divided, they will take advantage of that gap to gain control or influence. Even if you disagree privately, make sure your public stance is unified. When in-laws see that they can’t get between you, they’re more likely to respect your marriage.

12. Acknowledge the Good When You See It

If your in-laws do something kind or helpful—even if it’s rare—acknowledge it. Thanking them for the positives creates a better atmosphere and shows that you’re not just focusing on the bad. Sometimes, a little appreciation can soften even the most difficult people. If not, at least it shows that you’re acting from a place of maturity and fairness.

ALSO READ: How to Behave When You Visit your in-laws for the First Time to impress Them